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The best way to win an argument
During an election year, our adversarial proclivities, which are typically hidden or at least veiled, become exposed by the political atmosphere. Despite our best attempts at reasonability, our unfortunate inclination, whether a result of hubris or fear, is to guard our personal beliefs as if our thoughts are infallible. Instead of listening to opposing points of view, we often dig in and become further entrenched in our own positions. We tend to attack different views instead of trying to understand them. As a result, we as individuals and we as people will fail to learn from one another.
Last week, I participated in the University of Baltimore Law Review’s First Annual Criminal Law Symposium as a panelist on the topic of policing the police. Though it was in an academic setting, given my defense of police officers and my father being one, I was somewhat nervous that my position on this hot-button issue would not be received well. Thankfully, my concerns went unrealized, and what took place was a discussion.
As I sat on this panel, I was reminded of an experience I had as an undergrad when my position on the same issue was quite different. A student party was broken up by the police, resulting in student injuries and two arrests. Following the incident, the student newspaper published a less-than-student-friendly piece about the incident, with an account of the incident that was far from balanced.
In the weeks that followed, the comment section for the newspaper became heated on both sides and included threats, disparaging remarks and hateful language. Knowing that the continued strife was more a result of a lack of understanding than anything else, I helped organize a panel of student leaders to speak about the incident and the climate on campus. What took place at that event was a discussion.
We are attorneys and advocates, and of course there is a time and place for going full-steam-ahead with force. Often, however, the best result for our clients can come from an attempt to talk, negotiate, and understand. The motivation behind increased alternative dispute resolution is that not all disputes are best served by a borderline contemptuous (on the part of the parties) adversarial process. At times, the best manner to come to a resolution is through a discussion.
Sometimes, putting a face to the opposition humanizes the other side and makes settlement a possibility. Often, parties merely need the opportunity to vent their frustrations. Sometimes, hearing someone from the other side express that he or she empathizes with what a plaintiff has been feeling has a great impact.
Whether or not a mediation was successful, I have never had an experience in which I felt as if the plaintiff did not have at least a slightly better impression of me than the previously nameless, faceless opposition he or she had in his or her mind. At least once, with a particularly understanding client, I have had a settlement finalized because of a willingness to apologize and express that there was no intention for the plaintiff to have gotten hurt. Ultimately, when mediation is performed optimally, what takes place is a discussion.
Mediation is indicative of a reality that we should be sure to recognize in our personal lives as well as in our careers: The best way to win an argument is to avoid having it become an argument.
